Sing Muse

from by Frosty The Showman

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about

This is some condensed mythology right here. I think I used up pretty much all of my knowledge creating this rap. More of this kind of stuff on my blog: bettermyths.com

lyrics

My name's Homer, and don't you dare ask if it's Simpson
You make that mistake and my vision turns crimson
Who wins in the collision of the Greeks and the Trojans?
If you read it already then you're already knowin
but in case you is illiterate perhaps I shouldn't skip to it,
the story starts in Ilium some Trojans took a trip to it
Flipped a bitch, try'na get at a Trojan player
Paris taken Helen but he isn't s'posed to Mene-lay-her
prayers to the gods are flyin' left and right, beggin' for a fight,
Then Achilles quits the battle out of spite, cripes
Let me just back-track a little,
Because I lost track of the tale in the middle,
And you can't just fiddle with the cannon, cause you'll fail,
So lemme tell the tale leading up to the tale.

Sing Muse
Try to keep me on track while I
Sing Muse
Cause I need you at my back when I
Sing Muse
But I keep back-trackin’ cause without what’s before what’s after is lackin’

So the pantheon was havin' them a party, all night, they
Put some effort into makin' up the guest list, tidy
Rockin' Zeus Hera Ares Aphrodite, Athena
Hermes Vulcan - if you're roman - but a biddy weren't invited
Little Eris, they’re embarrassed of her, she’s feelin’ slighted
So the goddess to be honest got a little bit excited
She ignited quite a fight, just by tossin’ in an apple
Said “From Eris, to the fairest,” Zeus is thinkin’ Oh snap I’ll
Have tajudicate a beauty pageant, that could be bad
One goddess will be happy, and the others might get kinda mad.
So he had quite a brilliant idea,
Said “Who else wants to be the one to judge the three divas?”
Ares said, “That would be a strategic mistake”
Poseidon said “I will - SHIT IS THAT AN EARTHQUAKE?”
Hermes wasn’t there, he had “messages to take”
Dionysis prolly would’ve but was too fuckin’ baked.
Oh hey, Dionysis, I forgot about that guy
Spent his third trimester chillin snug in Zeus’s fat thigh
Bein’ Tracked by Zeus’s woman because of a couple of indiscretions,
Oh those are too good, really you should hear about those in this lesson

(Chorus)

When it came to mackin Zeus was never slackin’
There weren’t a province of his kingdom that he didn’t make the beast with two backs-in
And beast is the right word for the way he be attackin
Once his tactic was to turn into a bird and get crackin
With a lady name a Leda, he was dressed as a swan,
Flashed a sexy peck a plumes and they were getting it on,
Makin love with lovely Leda on the bank of the pond
Then his large libido lead him from the lake to the lawn
Where he made eyes at Io, turned her into a cow
Then he turned into a cow to plow Europa, wow,
Iodame, and Niobe, Eurynome got deflowered
With Danae he gave new meaning to the phrase “Golden Showers”
With Aegina he’s an eagle, he be makin’ the rounds
Touched the staras with Elara, then put her underground
Never married Maera, or took Electra on a date and
Olympias claimed he was the dad of Alex the Great
He raped Lamia, Laodamia, Podarge and Thalia,
(who could have been his daughter) Then he hiked up Himalia
Poked at Plouto and Pyrrha, Did Antiope like a satyr
Tried hard ta get Taygete but she said “see you later,”
Met Alcmene as her husband, blew his load wityh a chortle
Callisto’s last on the listo but just the list of the mortals
Except a chick named Semele, when they made love it was gory
But she gave Dionysis birth which brings me back to the story

(Chorus)

Zeus delivered Dionysis, Dionysis made the party
And the party is the way the Trojan war had gotten started see
The gods and all the goddesses were stumped, thanks to Eris
Til they said, “Let’s get a mortal, hey I know this dude, Paris”
Now Paris is impartial, but the ladies don’t care
They all decide to offer bribes, and the affair is barely fair
So Hera says “I’ll make you king,” Athena says “I’ll make you wise,”
And Aphrodite says “I’ll get you laid,” he’s just a guy
So he gets Helen of Sparta and makes her Helen of Troy
She was the wife of Menelaus now he’s kind of annoyed,
so he leads an army, fights with it, wins the Trojan War
And everyone in Troy is killed, the end – shit, you wanted more?
Look, the gods give us just a little time, and less inspiration
Try to tell it all and you might get a bit impatient
the beginning of a story always sparks yet another
Like that party? The wedding of Achilles’ mother.
And if you thought they were irrelevant, the stories I’m telling,
All you need to do is listen to this fact about Helen
she was conceived by Zeus and Leda playin’ birds of a feather
Now you see how this shit all comes back together?

credits

from Hat Trick, released August 20, 2010
Beat by 3re

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Frosty The Showman San José, Costa Rica

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